Negative thoughts

Hello, my name is Yana and I'm new. I am 18 years old, 5'7 and currently 210 LBS!!!

I have always been overweight as a child and started going to dietitians from when I was 12 years old. This really changed my relationship with food in a bad way.

I really wanna get healthy and start exercising, but my lack of motivation and willpower holds me back. I tried to do a low impact exercise video and I just quit 5 minutes after because I had pain in my knees and felt like I wasn't doing it right. But somewhere in my mind I just think this is another excuse for me to give up. I started crying, because I felt like a loser and a quitter. I can never complete something or work hard. I've always been dieting and I've always failed, so why would it work this time?

All I know is that I'm not happy the way I am and my weight holds me back from doing the things I wanna do. I also wanna exercise to feel better mentally, because I've always been really depressed.

I just feel really lonely in this journey and unsupported and I just know I can't do this on my own. Really wish I just had someone to motivate me and push me. I just have no idea where to start and the constant negative thoughts in my mind aren't helping.