On Friday after Thanksgiving I suggested to my husband that we get outside, for a walk in the park maybe, as a family. Hubs and two kids are all athletes (cyclist/mountain biker, mountain biker, cross country runner). I'm not an athlete and never have been. I hadn't ever had an issue physically on a trail walk, though, until this one. Hubs suggested a nearby smallish mountain in a state park, one we hadn't been to but he'd heard about from others. I had done cub scout hikes up another nearby mountain before so I thought I could probably handle it. Well, nope. I could not get to the top, could not get near the top, really. Hubs and son went on ahead to scout the terrain when I had to stop to rest the 6th or 7th time, and reported back that it was essentially a staircase to the top, much harder than the terrain we'd already been over. My daughter stayed with me, and when Hubs suggested we go back to the car via different paths, she and I went back down the way we'd come. I had to rest a couple more times going down the mountain.
I have always had this vision in my head of a stronger, fitter, skinnier version of myself (heck, probably younger, too) that isn't what I actually am at this point.
I did some garment sewing earlier this year, and at one point made myself a set of croquis of my actual body to see if I could draw up some styles that would suit the body I have better. It was a really jarring thing, seeing my real shape compared to this imaginary me in my head.
Hubs' mom's mobility has been declining in recent years. She just had one knee redone and the rehab has gone very slow. Father-in-law can only get her to exercise if he does it with her, so now they have side-by-side exercise machines in one room of their house, with a small TV in there to keep her attention. Her body type and mine are quite similar--short, thick, heavy-legged, big-busted. In her I see my future if I can't get something to change in my own fitness routine. In contrast my own mother had both her knees done a couple years ago and she rides horses regularly and is pretty lean and vigorous all things considered.
I've been struggling with a low-grade depression since my kids were born, and having trouble with sleep interruptions and migraines too. The migraines pre-date the kids, but the combo of headaches and sleep and depression has led to different medications, some of which helped before they went sour and made things worse. I'm on one now that is supposed to prevent migraines (it does a pretty good job of that) and have a side effect of helping sleep (meh) because it's a very low-dose older style of antidepressant.
I have done different things to try to lose weight or improve fitness previously. There was a weight loss competition tv show years ago that came out with a wii game, and I had that, and it helped me when I was using it, mostly because it had expectations of when you'd be there to do things, and it would decide what you should do that day and measure your form based on the gadget in your hands. It was a fixed number of weeks in the program, with weekly weigh-ins, that sort of thing. Prior to that I'd tried my own 'programs' of videos or whatever, we even owned a weight bench at one point because hubs wanted to work his upper body as well. So at various points in my life I'd managed to stick with something consistently for 8 weeks or so at a time, but not much longer than that.
Today, two days after failing to get to the top of the mountain, I did a 24 minute low impact video, the first one from here I've done. I was really stoked that I could complete all the moves with some mild modifications for my range of motion and fitness level. Afterward, I felt really accomplished and the soreness from the mountain was less. I am trying to wallow in the goodness, and focus on remembering how good I felt to try to associate exercise with good feelings and override the teenage groan and memories of earlier pain.
So I'm starting over, from a place of less fitness than I've ever had, I think. I'm nearing 50 and seeing two possible futures before me in my mother and my mother-in-law. I want to be the spry old biddy who can't be stopped, not the frail lump-on-the-couch who can't make a full lap of the nearest grocery.
Starting over again
Hi.
On Friday after Thanksgiving I suggested to my husband that we get outside, for a walk in the park maybe, as a family. Hubs and two kids are all athletes (cyclist/mountain biker, mountain biker, cross country runner). I'm not an athlete and never have been. I hadn't ever had an issue physically on a trail walk, though, until this one. Hubs suggested a nearby smallish mountain in a state park, one we hadn't been to but he'd heard about from others. I had done cub scout hikes up another nearby mountain before so I thought I could probably handle it. Well, nope. I could not get to the top, could not get near the top, really. Hubs and son went on ahead to scout the terrain when I had to stop to rest the 6th or 7th time, and reported back that it was essentially a staircase to the top, much harder than the terrain we'd already been over. My daughter stayed with me, and when Hubs suggested we go back to the car via different paths, she and I went back down the way we'd come. I had to rest a couple more times going down the mountain.
I have always had this vision in my head of a stronger, fitter, skinnier version of myself (heck, probably younger, too) that isn't what I actually am at this point.
I did some garment sewing earlier this year, and at one point made myself a set of croquis of my actual body to see if I could draw up some styles that would suit the body I have better. It was a really jarring thing, seeing my real shape compared to this imaginary me in my head.
Hubs' mom's mobility has been declining in recent years. She just had one knee redone and the rehab has gone very slow. Father-in-law can only get her to exercise if he does it with her, so now they have side-by-side exercise machines in one room of their house, with a small TV in there to keep her attention. Her body type and mine are quite similar--short, thick, heavy-legged, big-busted. In her I see my future if I can't get something to change in my own fitness routine. In contrast my own mother had both her knees done a couple years ago and she rides horses regularly and is pretty lean and vigorous all things considered.
I've been struggling with a low-grade depression since my kids were born, and having trouble with sleep interruptions and migraines too. The migraines pre-date the kids, but the combo of headaches and sleep and depression has led to different medications, some of which helped before they went sour and made things worse. I'm on one now that is supposed to prevent migraines (it does a pretty good job of that) and have a side effect of helping sleep (meh) because it's a very low-dose older style of antidepressant.
I have done different things to try to lose weight or improve fitness previously. There was a weight loss competition tv show years ago that came out with a wii game, and I had that, and it helped me when I was using it, mostly because it had expectations of when you'd be there to do things, and it would decide what you should do that day and measure your form based on the gadget in your hands. It was a fixed number of weeks in the program, with weekly weigh-ins, that sort of thing. Prior to that I'd tried my own 'programs' of videos or whatever, we even owned a weight bench at one point because hubs wanted to work his upper body as well. So at various points in my life I'd managed to stick with something consistently for 8 weeks or so at a time, but not much longer than that.
Today, two days after failing to get to the top of the mountain, I did a 24 minute low impact video, the first one from here I've done. I was really stoked that I could complete all the moves with some mild modifications for my range of motion and fitness level. Afterward, I felt really accomplished and the soreness from the mountain was less. I am trying to wallow in the goodness, and focus on remembering how good I felt to try to associate exercise with good feelings and override the teenage groan and memories of earlier pain.
So I'm starting over, from a place of less fitness than I've ever had, I think. I'm nearing 50 and seeing two possible futures before me in my mother and my mother-in-law. I want to be the spry old biddy who can't be stopped, not the frail lump-on-the-couch who can't make a full lap of the nearest grocery.
This is my stake in the ground. The beginning.