Tell yourself ...

You are beautiful;

You are precious;

You are special;

You are loved.

I am starting to repeat this to myself, as negative thoughts/depression have been ruling my life for far too long.

I used to think saying these things was self conceited: “How can you say you’re beautiful? How stuck up!” However, after a while, my own negativity, as well as outside sources, led me to believe that I am unworthy.

I also have a hard time praying for myself, as others are far worse off than I. However, my best friend told me that we should not minimize/ignore our own suffering, and should not compare. That hit home.

I must admit, I was at an all time low a few weeks back, and I uttered words I never thought I would say: “I just want to die.” Now, I would never attempt suicide, but the fact that I said that scared me. It scared my father. We both cried out to Jesus, to help fix what is broken. The loss of mom has been profound.

As of yesterday, my mood has changed. I am still sad, but not enough to where I just curl up in a ball and sleep. I actually went to town yesterday, in almost a month, and laughed a bit.

What changed?

I had a visit from the respiratory therapist yesterday, who brought out more equipment for my oxygen and nebulizer. She saw that I was almost despondent, and shared her life story with me. She also prayed with me. This really changed my life. The fact that someone who only met me one time prior would have the compassion to take time out of her busy schedule to lift our family up in prayer is really heartwarming.

The reason I share this story is to highlight the lows of clinical depression, while also talking about saving grace. This RT was detrimental to my turnaround.

Yes, I still have a way to go. I will still cry and have moments of sadness. However, I know I am blessed and can control my own emotions. I rather be happy than despondent.

Again, I am beautiful, precious, special, and loved. I am the daughter of the King.

Even though I have my BS in accounting, I am contemplating going for a Master’s degree in counseling and accounting. We shall see.

As for now, I am focused on getting better, filling my mind with positive thoughts.

Please let me know if you have any prayer requests.

Thanks for reading 💕