Feeling sad 😢

Aa some of you already know, my mother passed after a long and recurrent battle with cancer on January 23, 2018.

She found out she had terminal (metastatic) colorectal cancer on May 31, 2017. That was not only her 65th birthday, but also her retirement party. She worked as a nurse for 35+ years, caring for terminally ill patients (a lot of them cancer patients).

It was hard for her being on the other side of the fence as a patient ... especially seeing as how she knew the progression of the disease.

It has been just over 6 months, and today is not a good day for me emotionally. I have exciting news that I want to share with her, but I can’t (in person at least).

I had a job interview the day after she passed. Before she slipped into a coma, she said “I’m proud of you and know you’ll do great. I love you.” 💕 I didn’t get that job, but now I have 2 more job interviews this coming week, and I can’t help but reflect on her final words to me. I want to continue to make her (and my dad) proud. I also want to share this news with her! One interview is with a firm that I have been eyeing since before graduation.

Mom and I had many of the same likes and dislikes. Robin Williams and Steve Martin made us laugh. We loved to swim in the Pacific Ocean, even in October! We skimboarded and stunk, though didn’t care who saw us! There were even many Christmas’ where she and I ended up getting each other the same present at different times. Or where I had bought her exactly what she wanted from Plow & Hearth, though she had never even hinted.

The best day during her cancer battle was on December 24th, the day before Christmas. She was in so much pain at 3 in the morning that she was going to take a lethal concoction of medication. However, she didn’t have enough strength. She and dad started crying, and dad prayed for her. He read a few passages and then asked if she wanted to accept the Lord, to which she said yes. That brings tears of joy to my eyes.

Lots of bittersweet memories 💕

All of this to say: I miss my mom 💕

I guess I just need a big cry 😢