Welcome Blenders to the first FB edition of Jesse's Seriously Serious Stories.
Once upon a time in a world much alike our own - so alike in fact you could just say it was our world - there existed a horse named Boris. Boris was a race horse you see. There wasn't a single accolade in the horse racing world that our four-legged champion hadn't easily collected.
He had won the Triple Crown, the Prix de l'Arc de Triomphe, The Dubai World Cup, and even the Grand National in England. Yes indeed, our friend Boris was a once in a lifetime genetic masterpiece. A paragon of effortless triumph and elegance. Then it all came crashing down, one might say.
Boris was involved in a terrible accident. On the way to make a public press appearance, his private jet suffered catastrophic engine failure and crashed into the side of a hill. His team, his owners, his friends, everyone he had ever known or worked with were all forever snuffed out in an instant. Yet Boris survived.
"I'll never race again!" Boris vowed, for the sport now represented nothing to him but a bleak and traumatic event. Boris eventually found an old farmer who agreed to take him in and care for him. Old Farmer John was his name, although everyone just called him Old. He loved Boris like the son he'd never had. The crash had turned Boris into a recluse. He was paranoid that everything would go wrong again in his life at any instant.
So Boris spent every waking moment inside the barn. Old Farmer John couldn't stand to see Boris this way, and took it upon himself to cheer him up somehow. Every week, Old Farmer John took his produce into town to sell it. And every week he sat aside a small amount of that money for Boris. He would buy Boris a present every week, trying to remind him of the wonders of the world that awaited him outside of that dingy old barn.
The first thing he bought Boris was a CD Player. The next thing he bought him was a computer. The best present Old Farmer John ever gave him though was ten gallons of beer. On one of his many trips to town, Old Farmer John would pass an old pub. This pub was called "The Old Racehorse", and it was renowned for having the best beer in the world.
However, due to the fact it was a small pub in a small town, that reputation didn't get outside much. It wasn't visited by many people at all, and due to the hazards of inflation it own day went out of business. Old Farmer John decided to strike a deal with the owner of the pub and managed to buy all of his remaining beer at a great price! When Old Farmer John came back from town, grinning from ear to ear, and presented Boris the beer... Why, he'd never seen his beloved horse so happy.
It made his heart rejoice. For months, Boris would talk about his beer and how it was the best gift he'd ever been given. One day, Old Farmer John bought Boris a guitar. Boris remembered CD Player and his computer, and decided to demo a few covers. Boris was a natural at everything and anything he tried to do, and playing the guitar was no exception. He was good. Really good. DANG good. Old Farmer John overheard him play and had to speak up.
"Boris, that was the best thing I've ever heard in all my years. You should go see the local record company about starting a band!"
Boris was hesitant, but he realized Old Farmer John was right. It was time for him to reclaim the spotlight and be the star he was born to be once more. So Boris packed his things, took his guitar, and hopped on a bus. On this bus, he met a pig. This pig's name was David, and David was an amazing drum player. Just like Boris, David was on his way into town to make a name for himself as a musician. So Boris thought and said,
"Hey why don't we team up? We're both animals with a talent, and people would pay big to see us!" David agreed, and so the two made a pact to form a band together. At the next stop, a hen got onto the bus. This hen's name was Sophie, and she could sing like an angel dancing on hot coals. She knew all the words to all the songs in the world. ALL OF THEM.
So Boris and David went up to Sophie and asked her to join their band. After all, they were all animals with a talent, they could be the next big thing! Sophie agreed, and the three of them went on to the record store to start their band. They became an overnight sensation. They became a worldwide phenomenon, they scored sponsorships and TV deals. Boris was once again living the life of a star. They toured with famous bands such as The Rolling Stones and The Electric Light Orchestra.
Then on day, they got the biggest offer of their lives. They were invited to a world tour. They would be playing their music in every country on Earth, and by the time they were done the whole world would know their names. So off they went. They played their hearts out every step of the way, putting on the best shows of their entire lives. They poured their hearts and souls into each and every show. They played in every city and every town, and they become household names.
When they reached home they'd reached the peak of their careers and continued to ride high, playing in countries all around the globe. But one day, everything changed. Before catching a flight to Sweden, Boris received a call from back home. Old Farmer John had passed away in his sleep. Boris knew he had to go back home and bury the man who'd treated him like a son. He sent Sophie and David ahead to Sweden as he headed back home first to give the old farmer his final rest.
When he got home, he received a call from his agent. Their private jet had exploded in a freak accident, and there were no survivors. Sophie and David were dead. Boris was overcome with grief and gloom. Everything had been taken from him for a second time, all overnight. Boris decided to take his own life, and stumbled into his barn. Then he saw something that stopped him. He saw the thing that had changed everything back then. The giant container that once held his ten gallons of beer.
So instead of taking his life, Boris decided to have a few drinks and visit the pub. The Fine Racehorse was still there, as it had been purchased and taken over by new management. Boris knows this is the place he can drink that wonderful beer again, forget his sorrows, and try to turn his life around one more time. Boris takes a deep breath and steps through the doors. The bartender takes one look at him and goes, "Hey, why the long face?"
Gather around, Blenders. (Jesse's Story time)
Welcome Blenders to the first FB edition of Jesse's Seriously Serious Stories.
Once upon a time in a world much alike our own - so alike in fact you could just say it was our world - there existed a horse named Boris. Boris was a race horse you see. There wasn't a single accolade in the horse racing world that our four-legged champion hadn't easily collected.
He had won the Triple Crown, the Prix de l'Arc de Triomphe, The Dubai World Cup, and even the Grand National in England. Yes indeed, our friend Boris was a once in a lifetime genetic masterpiece. A paragon of effortless triumph and elegance. Then it all came crashing down, one might say.
Boris was involved in a terrible accident. On the way to make a public press appearance, his private jet suffered catastrophic engine failure and crashed into the side of a hill. His team, his owners, his friends, everyone he had ever known or worked with were all forever snuffed out in an instant. Yet Boris survived.
"I'll never race again!" Boris vowed, for the sport now represented nothing to him but a bleak and traumatic event. Boris eventually found an old farmer who agreed to take him in and care for him. Old Farmer John was his name, although everyone just called him Old. He loved Boris like the son he'd never had. The crash had turned Boris into a recluse. He was paranoid that everything would go wrong again in his life at any instant.
So Boris spent every waking moment inside the barn. Old Farmer John couldn't stand to see Boris this way, and took it upon himself to cheer him up somehow. Every week, Old Farmer John took his produce into town to sell it. And every week he sat aside a small amount of that money for Boris. He would buy Boris a present every week, trying to remind him of the wonders of the world that awaited him outside of that dingy old barn.
The first thing he bought Boris was a CD Player. The next thing he bought him was a computer. The best present Old Farmer John ever gave him though was ten gallons of beer. On one of his many trips to town, Old Farmer John would pass an old pub. This pub was called "The Old Racehorse", and it was renowned for having the best beer in the world.
However, due to the fact it was a small pub in a small town, that reputation didn't get outside much. It wasn't visited by many people at all, and due to the hazards of inflation it own day went out of business. Old Farmer John decided to strike a deal with the owner of the pub and managed to buy all of his remaining beer at a great price! When Old Farmer John came back from town, grinning from ear to ear, and presented Boris the beer... Why, he'd never seen his beloved horse so happy.
It made his heart rejoice. For months, Boris would talk about his beer and how it was the best gift he'd ever been given. One day, Old Farmer John bought Boris a guitar. Boris remembered CD Player and his computer, and decided to demo a few covers. Boris was a natural at everything and anything he tried to do, and playing the guitar was no exception. He was good. Really good. DANG good. Old Farmer John overheard him play and had to speak up.
"Boris, that was the best thing I've ever heard in all my years. You should go see the local record company about starting a band!"
Boris was hesitant, but he realized Old Farmer John was right. It was time for him to reclaim the spotlight and be the star he was born to be once more. So Boris packed his things, took his guitar, and hopped on a bus. On this bus, he met a pig. This pig's name was David, and David was an amazing drum player. Just like Boris, David was on his way into town to make a name for himself as a musician. So Boris thought and said,
"Hey why don't we team up? We're both animals with a talent, and people would pay big to see us!" David agreed, and so the two made a pact to form a band together. At the next stop, a hen got onto the bus. This hen's name was Sophie, and she could sing like an angel dancing on hot coals. She knew all the words to all the songs in the world. ALL OF THEM.
So Boris and David went up to Sophie and asked her to join their band. After all, they were all animals with a talent, they could be the next big thing! Sophie agreed, and the three of them went on to the record store to start their band. They became an overnight sensation. They became a worldwide phenomenon, they scored sponsorships and TV deals. Boris was once again living the life of a star. They toured with famous bands such as The Rolling Stones and The Electric Light Orchestra.
Then on day, they got the biggest offer of their lives. They were invited to a world tour. They would be playing their music in every country on Earth, and by the time they were done the whole world would know their names. So off they went. They played their hearts out every step of the way, putting on the best shows of their entire lives. They poured their hearts and souls into each and every show. They played in every city and every town, and they become household names.
When they reached home they'd reached the peak of their careers and continued to ride high, playing in countries all around the globe. But one day, everything changed. Before catching a flight to Sweden, Boris received a call from back home. Old Farmer John had passed away in his sleep. Boris knew he had to go back home and bury the man who'd treated him like a son. He sent Sophie and David ahead to Sweden as he headed back home first to give the old farmer his final rest.
When he got home, he received a call from his agent. Their private jet had exploded in a freak accident, and there were no survivors. Sophie and David were dead. Boris was overcome with grief and gloom. Everything had been taken from him for a second time, all overnight. Boris decided to take his own life, and stumbled into his barn. Then he saw something that stopped him. He saw the thing that had changed everything back then. The giant container that once held his ten gallons of beer.
So instead of taking his life, Boris decided to have a few drinks and visit the pub. The Fine Racehorse was still there, as it had been purchased and taken over by new management. Boris knows this is the place he can drink that wonderful beer again, forget his sorrows, and try to turn his life around one more time. Boris takes a deep breath and steps through the doors. The bartender takes one look at him and goes, "Hey, why the long face?"