Healing Anxiety and Building Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Personal story*
Today’s #workoutcomplete was a significant accomplishment.
Having awoken at 3am, I spent the early morning agonizing over social interactions of the previous evening wherein I didn’t feel like I’d communicated my point of view articulately or clearly. I am typically a clear communicator and I usually say only what I intend to say, and endeavor to say it in such a way as to leave no room for misunderstanding. However, for various reasons within this particular group of people (nothing wrong with THEM) I frequently have felt off-kilter. I don’t speak up often, but when I do I feel like I talk too much, mostly because I get carried away with over-clarifying. I have various theories about why I feel social stress in this (friendly) group of people, or why I might talk too much. Regardless, I have experienced this many times post-social interactions, after I’ve left, and I obsessively deconstruct my social “performance” — and I cannot STOP. It’s quite tormenting. I have normal healthy friendships, and I am not socially awkward, but I FEEL awkward and frazzled sometimes, in the most random of moments it seems. I can be going along perfectly serene, having a good time and then I’ll say something I wish I’d said differently, or I’ll wonder if what I said was misinterpreted. The times when I’ve later addressed it, the other party has no idea what I’m talking about… so, mostly it’s in my head and me falling short of my own standards for how I present myself in social situations (that aren’t close friends of mine, or family). The danger for me is that I tend to withdraw and isolate myself so as to avoid disappointing myself and others. It is NONSENSE.
THAT being said, getting to the mat this AM was a struggle. I wanted to regress to my former unhealthy coping mechanisms that I’ve worked hard to reconfigure in the last four weeks. I wanted to curl up in bed and binge watch TV and YouTube, treat myself to a junk food binge, forget the mat and replay last night and fantasize about how I wished I’d interacted. Anything to ease my anxiety (oddly enough, obsessing brings a weird relief even while it torments. Some of you will know what I mean).
BUT…
I didn’t. I talked myself through my anxiety as I pulled on leggings and t-shirt. I talked through anxiety while I pulled up today’s Flex session. I talked through my anxiety as I was warming up and between sets. I told myself we are not ruled by anxiety anymore, we have things to do today that require us to push through. I told myself I was being unfair to myself, that I was being irrational. I told myself being a hermit is not an option and that now I know what I’d like to do differently going forward, but that I was have to MOVE ON.
My #workoutcomplete and sharing this with y’all is part of that moving on. A year ago, three MONTHS ago, I would have given in, but NOT TODAY. I’ve tidied up my room, checked off my workout, shared my victory with my FB community, and now I’ve got to hit my tasks for today.
Writing this has been extremely therapeutic. And, working out is ABSOLUTELY a vital tool for my brain-health. In conjunction with prayer, self-talk, rejecting the irrational and embracing the truth over and over...and over and over again until a mental transformation takes place. And, SHARING with a supportive community. Today's victory is proof of the growth, and I know I have to keep going.
Thank you for reading! And, I’m thankful for this space that allows for this type of sharing and discussion to take place.
Healing Anxiety and Building Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Personal story*
Today’s #workoutcomplete was a significant accomplishment.
Having awoken at 3am, I spent the early morning agonizing over social interactions of the previous evening wherein I didn’t feel like I’d communicated my point of view articulately or clearly. I am typically a clear communicator and I usually say only what I intend to say, and endeavor to say it in such a way as to leave no room for misunderstanding. However, for various reasons within this particular group of people (nothing wrong with THEM) I frequently have felt off-kilter. I don’t speak up often, but when I do I feel like I talk too much, mostly because I get carried away with over-clarifying. I have various theories about why I feel social stress in this (friendly) group of people, or why I might talk too much. Regardless, I have experienced this many times post-social interactions, after I’ve left, and I obsessively deconstruct my social “performance” — and I cannot STOP. It’s quite tormenting. I have normal healthy friendships, and I am not socially awkward, but I FEEL awkward and frazzled sometimes, in the most random of moments it seems. I can be going along perfectly serene, having a good time and then I’ll say something I wish I’d said differently, or I’ll wonder if what I said was misinterpreted. The times when I’ve later addressed it, the other party has no idea what I’m talking about… so, mostly it’s in my head and me falling short of my own standards for how I present myself in social situations (that aren’t close friends of mine, or family). The danger for me is that I tend to withdraw and isolate myself so as to avoid disappointing myself and others. It is NONSENSE.
THAT being said, getting to the mat this AM was a struggle. I wanted to regress to my former unhealthy coping mechanisms that I’ve worked hard to reconfigure in the last four weeks. I wanted to curl up in bed and binge watch TV and YouTube, treat myself to a junk food binge, forget the mat and replay last night and fantasize about how I wished I’d interacted. Anything to ease my anxiety (oddly enough, obsessing brings a weird relief even while it torments. Some of you will know what I mean).
BUT…
I didn’t. I talked myself through my anxiety as I pulled on leggings and t-shirt. I talked through anxiety while I pulled up today’s Flex session. I talked through my anxiety as I was warming up and between sets. I told myself we are not ruled by anxiety anymore, we have things to do today that require us to push through. I told myself I was being unfair to myself, that I was being irrational. I told myself being a hermit is not an option and that now I know what I’d like to do differently going forward, but that I was have to MOVE ON.
My #workoutcomplete and sharing this with y’all is part of that moving on. A year ago, three MONTHS ago, I would have given in, but NOT TODAY. I’ve tidied up my room, checked off my workout, shared my victory with my FB community, and now I’ve got to hit my tasks for today.
Writing this has been extremely therapeutic. And, working out is ABSOLUTELY a vital tool for my brain-health. In conjunction with prayer, self-talk, rejecting the irrational and embracing the truth over and over...and over and over again until a mental transformation takes place. And, SHARING with a supportive community. Today's victory is proof of the growth, and I know I have to keep going.
Thank you for reading! And, I’m thankful for this space that allows for this type of sharing and discussion to take place.
Be at peace