Losing motivation


I'm not really sure why I'm posting here, I'm not sure I'm posting this where I should.

I've been struggling for a while. I have depression & anxiety and I started a treatment a few months ago. And recently I started gaining weight, instead of losing it. My cortisol is high, so that could be why, but I need to do more tests I think.

It's been rough, I've been working out as I usually did, and tried to keep my eating habits the same as before the meds (sometimes even less calories than before) but the number on the scale goes up instead of down. The sad part is that I had finally reached a weight I was comfortable with (59 kg) and now it's back to 75. I'm just wondering what he point is anymore.

My grandma also died yesterday, and tomorrow there's the funeral. She pretty much raised and I just don't know how to accept a world without her in it. Needless to say that I won't be working out these days. Normally I would felt guilty about it, but, I don't anymore. I just hope that when come back I will be able to start working out again. Even if I find it kind of useless as of late.

I'm sorry if this is not ok to post here. Let me know and I will delete it (if possible). Thank you for reading this.