I've posted on this forum a few times already about my struggles with calorie restriction and disordered eating habits, so I apologize if what I have to say seems repetitive or is triggering to anyone else. First of all, I wanted to say thank you to anyone who expressed concern or gave me advice in the comments on my last post. I think the biggest thing I can do for myself right now is realize that I do in fact have a problem, and then slowly try to work out how it started and what I can do to fix it. On Sunday, I had BOTH regular peanut butter and a date (two foods that I've been fearful of up until recently) and yesterday I went the entire day without logging a single crumb that I put in my mouth. It sounds silly to say that these tasks weren't easy, but they just weren't. There were many times yesterday that I had to fight myself to not go onto cronometer (I use the website, so it's not as easy as just deleting the app off my phone), and I will admit that there was a time that I used a calculator to get a rough estimate of how much I'd eaten (I know I shouldn't have...). However, I didn't let the number influence what I decided to eat. I ate what I was craving, and I let myself take time after dinner to see if I wanted/needed something else, and really thought about what dessert would satisfy my sweet tooth. There was a couple times that I felt anxious about being hungry and tried to just push it off, but I ate a snack when needed and ate well-balanced meals.
I haven't counted anything today, either, even though part of my brain knows how much easier it would be if I did. I know that getting through this is going to take time and it won't be easy, but I also know that I CAN do it and I WILL do it, because I deserve the freedom and happiness that I know intuitive eating will bring me. After all, food is just food, and if I'm making healthy choices and basing my meals around whole plant-based foods and not overeating, my body will thank me.
In other news, I started FBStrong on Monday! I've really enjoyed it so far, especially because I've always preferred strength training to HIIT and other cardio (pain over complete breathlessness any day!). I do plan on adding in a few extra credit videos of my own here and there, but that's because I like the extra burnout and I thoroughly enjoy working out nowadays (I used to really have to force myself to do it)!
I hope that you all don't mind if I post semi-regular updates on here. I do want to start talking to my parents about the things that I've been struggling with (I have mentioned things here and there, but nothing super serious), but I also enjoy the tips, advice, and encouragement you all have given me. I genuinely can't thank you all (and Kelli and Daniel) enough for focusing so much on a healthy mind and body, and NOT just on being thin and pleasing to the eyes. Each time I feel the urge to count a calorie or workout just for the sake of trying to create a deficit, I remind myself that health is the focus here and that my weight does not determine who I am as a person. It's crazy to me how obsessed I became with numbers (literally, NUMBERS) and how much they have determined my mood recently. I no longer want to be a slave to diet culture, to a stupid scale or calorie counter, or to what society deems as "beautiful." I am already beautiful, I am already enough, and so are you.
My goals for this week are to 1) take a full rest day (with the exception of a walk if I want to, as I've really enjoyed them recently and they help my mental state), 2) continue NOT counting calories, and 3) try to go AT LEAST one day without stepping on the scale. It may not seem like a lot, but I know this is asking quite a bit of myself, so even if I only accomplish one of these things, I should be proud. I hope you all have a lovely week!
Making progress
Hello all!
I've posted on this forum a few times already about my struggles with calorie restriction and disordered eating habits, so I apologize if what I have to say seems repetitive or is triggering to anyone else. First of all, I wanted to say thank you to anyone who expressed concern or gave me advice in the comments on my last post. I think the biggest thing I can do for myself right now is realize that I do in fact have a problem, and then slowly try to work out how it started and what I can do to fix it. On Sunday, I had BOTH regular peanut butter and a date (two foods that I've been fearful of up until recently) and yesterday I went the entire day without logging a single crumb that I put in my mouth. It sounds silly to say that these tasks weren't easy, but they just weren't. There were many times yesterday that I had to fight myself to not go onto cronometer (I use the website, so it's not as easy as just deleting the app off my phone), and I will admit that there was a time that I used a calculator to get a rough estimate of how much I'd eaten (I know I shouldn't have...). However, I didn't let the number influence what I decided to eat. I ate what I was craving, and I let myself take time after dinner to see if I wanted/needed something else, and really thought about what dessert would satisfy my sweet tooth. There was a couple times that I felt anxious about being hungry and tried to just push it off, but I ate a snack when needed and ate well-balanced meals.
I haven't counted anything today, either, even though part of my brain knows how much easier it would be if I did. I know that getting through this is going to take time and it won't be easy, but I also know that I CAN do it and I WILL do it, because I deserve the freedom and happiness that I know intuitive eating will bring me. After all, food is just food, and if I'm making healthy choices and basing my meals around whole plant-based foods and not overeating, my body will thank me.
In other news, I started FBStrong on Monday! I've really enjoyed it so far, especially because I've always preferred strength training to HIIT and other cardio (pain over complete breathlessness any day!). I do plan on adding in a few extra credit videos of my own here and there, but that's because I like the extra burnout and I thoroughly enjoy working out nowadays (I used to really have to force myself to do it)!
I hope that you all don't mind if I post semi-regular updates on here. I do want to start talking to my parents about the things that I've been struggling with (I have mentioned things here and there, but nothing super serious), but I also enjoy the tips, advice, and encouragement you all have given me. I genuinely can't thank you all (and Kelli and Daniel) enough for focusing so much on a healthy mind and body, and NOT just on being thin and pleasing to the eyes. Each time I feel the urge to count a calorie or workout just for the sake of trying to create a deficit, I remind myself that health is the focus here and that my weight does not determine who I am as a person. It's crazy to me how obsessed I became with numbers (literally, NUMBERS) and how much they have determined my mood recently. I no longer want to be a slave to diet culture, to a stupid scale or calorie counter, or to what society deems as "beautiful." I am already beautiful, I am already enough, and so are you.
My goals for this week are to 1) take a full rest day (with the exception of a walk if I want to, as I've really enjoyed them recently and they help my mental state), 2) continue NOT counting calories, and 3) try to go AT LEAST one day without stepping on the scale. It may not seem like a lot, but I know this is asking quite a bit of myself, so even if I only accomplish one of these things, I should be proud. I hope you all have a lovely week!