Crazy goal -> setback


Hi FBFamily !

I'm not sompletely sure why I write this, as I know what my mistake were and what I should do now. I guess that I know that I probably won't find someone in real life who would tell me that I'm right.

I have done FB workouts on and off for the past 3 years. I fell off tracks regularly (holidays, crazy phase at work, move, laziness...), but when I was able to wourkout 4-5 times a week I could certainly see results. End of last year was crazy at work and then I overeat during the holidays and I reached my highest weight and my worst shape in all my life. In January I got my diet on point and I started workout regularly, mainly strengh training because it is what I like and a bit of HIIT there and there. I was eating less than I would do if I wasn't restrincting myself but it was totaly sustainable and I was able to eat what I like (cheese and chocolate in small amounts every other day, for exemple). I lost 3 kg (61 -> 58 kg) and 4 % body fat (33 -> 29%) in 3 months and my clothes fit much better. I would not have minded if it went faster but I was overall happy and more importantly it was sustainable.

Everything was fine untill my best friend at work, who was going in an incredibly hard time in her life at the moment, signed me up for a 20 km race that was taking place 6 weeks later. I'm everything but a runner but it was the first time in weeks that I saw her smile. I said that I thought it was not a good idea, that I needed 6 months not 6 weeks for that kind of challenge but she would take that for an answer and I didn't have the heart to say no more firmly. "You said you wanted to get back in shape, there is nothing better than running for that!". Then I started to auto-persuade me that it wasn't such a bad idea, sure I wanted to increase my stamina, sure I like to spend time outside and running is a good way to do that, sure it would be a great achievment in the unlikely eventuality I succeed to run 20 km in 6 weeks. In addition this friend has one of the most beautifull physique I ever saw, lean, toned, but curvy at the same time and with perfect proportions. She is a true athlete who ran several marathons. I knew perfectly well that steady state cardio is not the best way to have that kind of body, I mean, I "know" Daniel and Kelli for more than 3 years, I have learned a few things ;) (I mean, I saw every signle one of their blog video, read every single article and their common sense and scientific knowledge is unquestionable). However when you have a counterexemple in front of you (I guess she has an exceptional genetic), your brain starts playing tricks...

Well, for those who keep reading (sorry for the length...), 5 weeks ago I started running every other day. First time I couldn't run more than a minut without having to stop to catch my breath. I kept puching, and every single time I would go past exhaustion point. I was finaly able to run 15 km 3 days ago, but, gosh, that's hard. I did not enjoy the last 5 weeks, my lower body was stiff and painfull every single day. I'm mean, being sore 2 days after a hard lifting session, it's OK, but being sore without a break during 5 weeks it's not pleasant. I'm not far from having a tendinitis at both ankles. I didn't drop a gram, and I didn't replaced fat by muscle, my body fat is exactly the same. I think it is because I couldn't keep having my diet under control, I was tired and hungry much more often and thus I had a much less control over myself. Yesterday I went shopping to a mediterranean market I heard about, with an empty stomach and in the end I bought a pound of halva (dessert constitued of about half sesam paste, half sugar/honey). When I came home I was so tired, hungry, sore and everything that I basically binged and I hate almost the whole jar of halva while watching Casa de papel. I tend to overeat and have to much snacks, but I'm usually not a binger, I mean, not since I was a teenager (I'm 32) and got my heart broken so that I ended eating the whole jar of nutella.

This morning, I decide that it is enough, I will not do this damned race next sunday, I will stop running every other day, and when I do, I won't go to the point I barely can walk home and I will start back doing strength training. I will disapoint my friend, I'm not looking forward tomorrow, but it's clear that this challenge is doing me more arm than good. I know that I will be called a quitter and that a little voice in my head will say it's true.

I'm sorry my post is so long, but I guess that it had to get out ;).