I posted on here just a couple days ago about how I desperately needed to change my relationship with food: I was counting calories obsessively, always feeling hungry, and completely unmotivated to do anything. I'll admit that I've had success with a calorie deficit (weight loss wise--I've lost about 15 pounds), but I didn't feel my best and I knew that my thoughts were becoming disordered. So, today, I'm not counting calories. I'm eating the food my body wants, and I'm not being obsessive over measuring things out or finding out how many calories each little thing has in it. For breakfast I had a bowl of oatmeal with PB2, vanilla extract, and cinnamon topped with banana, strawberries, cacao nibs, and a kiwi. It was delicious! Do I know how many calories it was? Nope. Do my body and mind feel good? Yes.
It honestly hasn't been easy (and so far I've only had breakfast!). I've caught myself feeling like I needed to put things into cronometer, and my mind still tells me to measure each and every little thing. However, I know that the mental anguish I've been putting myself through for the past 3-4 months is not worth it anymore, and the anxiety I feel about not counting calories and beginning to eat intuitively will dissipate the longer I keep at it. And if I happen to gain a pound or two, so be it. I'm not going to live my life miserable, hungry, and stressed so that I can be skinny and "body goals." I'm going to keep working out, continue eating healthy and whole foods, and spend more time listening to what my body is telling me instead of trying to tune that voice out. I genuinely think that I'll eat even healthier now, as I always opted for the "lower calorie" version of whatever I could find at the store. I often found myself eating more at the end of the night just because I had the calories left, not because I was actually hungry (ridiculous, I know!). I'm so excited to make these changes--no matter how challenging they'll be--and I'm so thankful for all of you who commented advice and encouragement on my last post. I appreciate this community (and Kelli and Daniel, of course!) so much and I'm so thankful that everything here promotes healthy living instead of dieting and weight loss. I'm ready to change my life for the better!