I love Fitness Blender and yet depression has derailed my progress

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I've been loving Fitness Blender since the first time I saw a video of theirs just over a year ago. Kelli and Daniel are so amazing and I've used many of their programs. I'm gonna purchase 3 more in the cyber sale tomorrow, as well as starting fbfit tomorrow. My problem is that I have made zero progress since discovering Fitness Blender and so I feel embarrassed to tell people I use Fitness Blender workouts because I feel like the look at me and think "oh they must be crappy workouts...." which is SO FAR from the truth!

The truth is that I've gained 20 lbs in 2 years, mostly from my struggle with depression and motivation to get out of bed and do a workout. Even then, working out has never really been the issue for me. I enjoy working out and find it almost mindless to do because I just have to "show up" to my living room and follow along with Daniel and Kelli.

Diet has been my #1 struggle. I know how to eat clean and make the right types of meals, and I will usually try to follow this at some point in the week, but then poor choices come along when there are no groceries in the house, or I'm out on the weekend. I also have a major problem with binge snacking in the evening. I get myself into a loop of "you'll do better tomorrow" and then fail and get upset with myself, try to be hopeful for the next day, and repeat.

If anyone has any motivation suggestions in the way of getting past depression, it is greatly appreciated. Any tips on avoiding binging and mindless snacking would be great too. Any good books to read?

I'm getting so fed up with myself and feel like I've really reached a point where there's no going back to how I used to be, because it's no longer a quick 5lbs to drop.