Day 3 of No Eating Out Accountability and Stress Redux Challenge insights

I realized today after meditation that I definitely have a problem, and that’s related to ordering out based on my emotions from work. If I’m dreading work, I’ll use eating out as a way to avoid it. And when I order out after work, it’s because the work day was hard. And when I’m too stressed out and panicking about a work related thing, I completely lose my appetite.

I’m just too stressed out at work. With a new position and poor onboarding, I’ve been making mistakes and I’m always nervous. It’s a high stress job, but with the current job market, I’m staying, which I ordinarily wouldn’t. My old job was something that was stressful, but I was very good at.

With my new job, I have imposter syndrome and so I’ve been using eating out and food as a way to combat that, but at the end of the day, it’s still there. There’s a lot I have to learn about the job, but I’m told that I’ll learn it on the job - but not really. I’m also in nonstop meetings, so I have to work at night. Others are able to get work done during the day, but I usually eat out/eat processed food during the meetings since I’m so tired of being in the meetings/get irritated that I’m wasting time on a meeting.

And I’m pretty tired at work a lot from the sugar crashes/get anxiety during the day when I’m eating processed food, so then I stick to eating clean when I’m really stressed out at work and need to concentrate, but once the work stress is over, my appetite returns.

When I’m on vacation/on the weekends, I don’t eat out. The stress redux challenge is teaching me that I’m stressed out and self sabotaging myself through food to sort of say that that’s the reason I didn’t do that well on a job task.

I think the meetings have been hard to have dedicated time to get things done.

Today was the worst when there was a miscommunication and I missed a deadline by several hours. I was eating chocolate to deal with the stress, and I think the sugar and caffeine I had led to a full-on anxiety attack where I was too overwhelmed to do anything. I’m often too overwhelmed at work. Maybe I’ll have to ask more questions or change my work environment to not being remote anymore.

Either way, I think that I’ll go into an office in order to get work done more efficiently and start planning more with timelines/big picture to not miss anything else. I feel like an idiot at work nearly all the time, which is different to when I worked in a different field and was the SME.

But I’ll have to address work head on and not hide behind food; it just leads to worse stress.