Taking a step back.

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to leave a message here, cause I need to get this off my chest.

It's been several month that I mistreat my body, and of course, i didnt notice it directly. It began by wanting to do more strengh training, so I left a little bit FB to do pure strengh training (lots of set, various rep, increasing the weights, yadada) and adding to that a too much healthy diet, my body transform to the best I ever had in my life. I had this almost perfect Instagram body, really.

But after couple of month, I realise that I was tired. It wasn't fun anymore. the workout were almost 1h30 to 2h long (4 to 5 days a week) and I was just going through the motion, pressuring myself to do them to stay at this shape.

Eventually, I finish by quiting it. Just even thinking about going out to these hours long workout rn giving me nausea.

So I went back to FB, and really enjoyed to do these funny workout again. But my brain was telling me "its not enough! you gonna lose all the benefit doing that" and other charming insults against myself.

So I said, why not pumping up the weights, challenge myself to the extreme, adding resistance band everywhere (with the weights). Don't get me wrong, doing these in the healthy way is good. But I was doing all it just by fear of loosing my shape, and to prove something to my ego, I guess.

The next days after these workouts, I was sore like never, like can't walk sore. Despite it's been almost 4 years now that I train with FB, 5 days a week.

I was thinking : "that very hurtful soreness must mean that it's working, right ?" so I keep pushing and continue this way, increasing the weights on a bad form, because my ego was telling me too.

the result of these ? Well, my health is wrecking rn. My body is aching everywhere, I have injuries on my upper back that I have to take care of on medical supervision, and my mental is exhausted. My appetite, who was very low, increase all of the sudden and I can't stop eating. I gain some weight, but it don't really care about it... I mean, obviously, I'm not thrill to see that I'm tighted in my clothes again, but... I don't wanna go back to pressuring myself.

i'm sorry for the "sad talk" but I just wanted to say it, somewhere.

Pursuing a better bod' imo rn is worthless. Having a functional body is already enough. I'm gonna take a month off and go back to my loved FB workout, and, maybe they're not "challenging" enough for my brain, but they make me happy. happy to workout.