Rest day guilt and disordered mindset

Hi fbf, I have really been struggling today! It seems that no matter how much I know that I am living a healthy lifestyle somehow I always seem to convince myself that I’m unhealthy, unattractive, “loosing control”, that I’m not doing enough. Does anyone else get this? It also always seems to happen on rest days. Honestly that’s the real reason I’ve been trying to workout 6 days a week because I’m scared of my self saboteur 😰. Rest day 1 is ok coz I know I gotta heal from my hard work but then on rest day 2 the devil on my shoulder is screaming at me saying “what the f*** you think you’re doing you lazy b****!”. These thoughts also drive me to do crazy over obsessive stuff too like writing f***ing meal plans, watching what I eat, hyper analysing my workout routine etc!! Although I guess I’m pretty Impatient too... My goal is to gain more muscle mass and I understand that it takes both TIME, DISCIPLINE and DEDICATION to achieve that goal but sometimes it feels so slow that it’s almost as if I’m making no progress.

I guess they do say fitness is a marathon not a sprint... I hear it, but it’s hard to hear sometimes....

I’m just gonna go to sleep early tonight and get over it.

Thanks for being open ears (well eyes) to my problems x