Black or White mindset. Struggles.

29

Ok so currently i'm in the best shape i've been. (I was at this state 3 years before as well). I lost 3kg slowly within 3 months, in an effort to maintain healthy habits. Trying to rush myself as i did before didn't last long. I still want to lose 5kg more. But i'm really not on a deadline, i don't mind if it takes a year.

Last 15 days or so, i let go myself to eat more freely and i must say i messed up a lot, i'm not ready to do that yet. This kind of setback didn't bother me, but it helped me realize there is still a lot of work to be done.

My problem is i can't balance my thoughts on anything.

- i either feel too excited about my progress or get really down.

- i get excited with workouts to the point where i make goals i can't keep up with

The thing is when i decide i will skip a workout or eat something "restricted" i just can't stop there. I am sabotaging myself really hard. It's ok to skip a workout but at the same time i decide i should eat the hell out of everything "since i ruined the day i might as well ruin it all the way" or something like that. Or omg i ate 600 more calories that i should? What's the point of working out to lose like 200 of them.. so let's skip working out at all, and eat another chocolate cause whatever.

I just can't stop sabotaging and victimizing myself.

And i can't yet see exercise as something i like and enjoy doing regardless. I just see it as means of losing weight. Regardless of how excited i am when i do workout and have energy, the next day again there is a fight in my head "fuck exercise and just eeeeeeeat stuff VS force to exercise & stay on track".

I know and recognize all the things i do wrong but i just can't change my mindset. Does it take more time and effort? Will i have to deal with these struggles forever?