How I'm handling my eating disorder+keeping up with the workouts

Hi again everyone!

I decided to share a couple pictures to show you my progress so far, meanwhile I'll tell you a bit of my story. I'm actually on psychiatric meds that affect my body shape, and I've been for quite a long time now, with my weight going up and down from one medication to another.

Early 2016 has been rough for me because I fell for my omnipresent eating disorder thoughts (wanting to be to skinny, to be short) and started combining undereating with overexercising.

My weight was 43 kg/94 lbs at the time (the first pic from the left) and even if I was that skinny, I couldn't see that. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking that I was fat. I know it is sounds crazy.

After that period of time, in which I was at risk for serious anorexia, I was put on other medications and I started gaining weight, til I put on 18 kg/39 lbs in a year. The middle pic is from last September and I was at the heaviest weight I've ever been.

Lately I fell back into those thoughts again, and for the last couple of week I admit I ate less than I should have had.

But then I snapped. I don't want to do that anymore. I want life, I want strenght and feeling healthy and energized. I want to eat for the pleasure of it and to nourish my body in order to study, work out, simply live. And yes, sometimes I may be still tempted by the thought of being skinny and small and just bones, but I don't want to give in to that anymore. I have a long road coming, but I want to work on it. I choose food, life, energy and everything that comes from it.

The last pic is from today, after a few months of weight lifting/cardio workouts, in an attempt to have a fit, firm body, not a skinny one. And I'm happy to see the results til now cause I think I'm doing good. I'll keep up with it.

Thank you for reading and for the interest for my story. I appreciate that. If any of you out there is suffering from an eating disorder, please remember this. Life is always better than the nothingness connected to the refusal for food. Your body is not an enemy. It's a long journey full of baby steps, but please, take care of yourself.