M

1100 Workouts Complete!!

So I'm pretty much a lurker on the community page, but I just have to share this.

When FB Plus had stats added as a feature, my all time completed workouts were around 1067. I made it my goal at that time to get to 1100 before the end of 2019, and I finally reached that goal today. I didn't know if it was going to be possible some days.... I pulled a muscle in my arm in early December and my husband and I have been landscaping our yard, so a lot of my scheduled days had to be pushed back. What I'm really proud of is I didn't let my missed days stress myself out. I knew I was going to eventually reach my goal if I listened to my body and forgave myself on days where it just wasn't possible. This is a HUGE leap from where I was only a year ago.

Sorry this is a long story, but I feel the need to give some background, especially since i rarely post. I started using FB around the summer of 2012 after my sophomore year in college, and became a member in 2013. I started out just with short videos and lifted around 2 to 5 pounds. I was discouraged all the time and struggled with an incredibly bad body image. I would go from borderline disordered eating to just saying "screw it" and giving up and eating whatever I wanted because it didn't seem to make a difference to me anyways. I grew up in a family that ate red meat and lots of butter and salt. At my all girls highschool I was told I was too thick or flabby, but in softball I was the weakling and told I was too thin. I felt so out of place all the time and just wanted to reach these unrealistic and unhealthy goals that I put on myself. I felt my worth was related to my weight.

I went through a roller coaster for years of not working out at all and giving up to going too hard and injuring myself just so I could feel "worthy."

I felt like I was "better" in 2015 because I was working out regularly. Really, it was just my way of controlling myself through the stress of grad school. I ended up hurting my back from overtraining, pushed myself to work through the pain, and had to stop almost completely for 6 months. Thankfully I had my husband (at that time boyfriend) to force my stubborn butt to rest, stretch, and do lower impact workouts. He really is such a blessing in my life. His "nagging" and K and D's blog posts really got me through all of that.

In 2016 I got my Master's and got engaged. I felt like I went from one stress to another. The pressure to look good for my wedding was overwhelming. On top of that I found out I had a medical issue that forced me to take a 9 month medication that gave me migraines and horrible leg cramps. It was depressing. Well I reached my "goals" and looked stunning at my wedding, but looking back on the day I feel like I would've been just as happy had I toned it back a bit.

After the wedding my husband and I took a few months off working out. I think he took the time off because I was starting to scare him. I found it hard to stay motivated at the end of 2017 and 2018. New house and work stress really got to me and I could feel myself slipping even more. I found myself roller coastering again, and trying to hide it from my husband. Good thing he knows me and I'm bad at keeping secrets. We had a long and hard, but necessary talk. Through his support and all of the motivation and support from this community, I can say I'm proud of where I am now.

At the start of 2019 I told myself my word to focus on would be RESPECT. Respect for my body, respect for my limitations, and respect for my accomplishments... no matter how small. This year has been the best yet. Although I'm still struggling with my body image, I don't body shame nearly as much (I know I shouldn't do it at all!). I changed my goals from body weight driven to wanting to lift heavier, be more flexible, and increasing my endurance. Last week I was able to deadlift 40 pounds and squat 35 pounds! I'm listening to my body more. When I hurt myself at the beginning of the month I adjusted accordingly rather than try to push through the pain. I eat to fuel myself, and feel much better when I regularly do this. Yeah I've had setbacks... hello holiday sweets.... but I jump right back into it when I'm ready. I forgive myself!!! If I can do all of this in 2019, I can't wait to see what 2020 holds in store for me.

Again, sorry for the rant. Thank you to whoever is able to make it this far. I hope this post helps motivate someone to listen to their body and respect themself.

Thank you K & D. What you and your team do is simply astounding. Thank you for helping me believe in myself and hold myself accountable.