Trying to Eat More, and fears about what that might mean


Hi all,

TLDR; Trying to repair slowed metabolism, worried about macros, exercise, and eating disorder, 5'3", 103 lbs, 22 yrs old

I have a history of eating disorders. For the past year or so, I've been eating around 1,000-1,200 calories a day, in an effort to loose a bit of weight (No idea how much I weighed when I started, but for reference I have a pair of jeans which were uncomfortably tight, and are now a bit too loose). Right now, I'm 103-104 lbs (102 at my lowest, around December 20) at 5' 3". I mostly did yoga and walking with 30 day fitness workouts, but in the last two or so months I started doing HIIT and some strength training instead (and am loving the new muscle definition). I quickly realized that I couldn't eat that little and exercise more intensely. Especially because I started wanting to increase muscle a bit, and was shocked at what the math said I would have to eat to do so.

I started increasing my calories at first to 1,300, but if I got over 1,400 I started to feel bloated, and got spooked, so I'd decrease again. This time I'm going for it though. I've been eating ~1,500 a day for 11 days. So I've clearly gained some weight, but I think that's expected when trying to eat more, right? I'm only now starting to track my macros, instead of looking solely at calories. I'm using myfitnesspal, and only just figured out that it adjusts my macro goals based on the calories from exercise I added, no more doing that lol.

Mainly, my questions are, do my macros look correct: 82 g protein, 51 g fat, 179 g carbs (according to the calculations on the r/fitness subreddit FAQ), and am I doing enough/the right amount of exercise (4-5 days of alternating upper/lower days x2, 30-40 minutes, some sort of cardio (hiit or kickboxing) 30-40 minutes, rest day (yoga), also I stand for several hours a day at work, and regularly take the stairs/walk around).

The name for what I'm doing seems to be reverse dieting, and lots of the resources online are for bodybuilders etc, so the advice about exercise is oriented towards them, and makes me worry I'm not doing enough. Should I be working out longer, or lifting heavier (I don't go to a gym, and only own 3 and 10 lb handweights)?

Beyond that though, there's the nagging fear that what I'm doing is a bad idea, and even though the math says I should be able to eat way more than 1500, I actually can't. I'm at the stage where I feel really bloated, but I'm trying to remind myself that it'll pass, and I'll be able to eat like a normal person again.

Thanks for reading my rambling post, any advice is appreciated.