**Disclaimer: I didn't actually think to look at my start OR stop times, and I'm not even sure how long 5k usually takes me. Also, my route was more like 5.6k. Or something like that. I'm not totally sure. But anyway, I estimate these instructions will cut ~10 min off ~5k, give or take 10 min and 5k.
Sorry for that interruption guys! Ok back to the story.
1) Slog through a long, hot summer with training runs that are closer to the Zimmer Frame Shuffle than any hallmarks of athleticism.
2) Take 1 rest day so your legs are fresh fresh fresh!
3) Wait until one of the first semi-cool days of autumn. By "cool" I mean the outside temperature falls below the meteorological category of "oven." No this is not cheating; this is strategizing. It'll put you at a metabolic advantage.
Um, Lynna? Why are you telling this in mid-April? The flowers are blooming and the birds are singing. AKA springtime.
-> -> -> it'll make more sense to our Southern Hemisphere readers.
4) Skip breakfast. Except for hot, caffeinated beverages. We can't leave the house prior to hot, caffeinated beverage consumption. Cos duh! Gotta hydrate!!
5) This guide works best if your chosen cool day happens to fall on your friend's birthday, and there is cake at work.
6a) Never mind this no added sugar business, I'm eating cake! Gotta carb load!! Oh man it looks good...
6b) Ohhhh yeahhhhh it was good
7) Enjoyed with another hot, caffeinated beverage of course.
8) Ample caffeine + sugar + otherwise empty stomach =
LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
9) Actually feeling kinda sick now. Like I've got bees in my head. Better have another hot, caffeinated beverage to settle our guts.
10) Wait until the last possible minute that you can still go for a run and get back before it is totally dark. This will be good motivation to hurry up and get home. Cos sprained ankles are, like, not cool dude.
11) Leave the dog at home. Yes I know you like going for walkies but you always stop and sniff everything and then pee on it, and roll in stuff, and I haven't got time for that tonight. Stop looking at me like that! Yes you're cute! No don't go get your leash! I said no! That's it I'm leaving!
Ok now conditions are perfect to
12) Race through the streets of suburbia in a big circle like you stole something. Cos we know how to live WAHHHHOOOOOOOOOOO
13) Hear the soundtrack to Chariots of Fire blast from the treetops in recognition of your heroic speeds!
14) Well, at least in your mind the soundtrack to Chariots of Fire is blasting through the treetops :)
Hope you're all having lovely days everyone!!