Struggling to cope & need suggestions (Eating disorder update)


Recovery is not at all what I expected. To keep myself out of an intensive outpatient/partial hospitalization treatment program for this, I need to follow some strict rules when it comes to food and when/what I'm eating. It's so much harder than I ever expected it would be to give up control, and although there are times where I feel strangely positive and in good spirits, there are a lot of negative feelings accompanying this process, too.

For the past year I've meticulously counted calories, meal prepped in advance to make sure I was eating healthy, and had complete control over what went into my mouth and when. All of that has been completely stripped away. My dad is currently working from home and prepares all of my meals for me. I love my dad and I am so thankful he has been willing to give up so much to help me, but I've been growing increasingly frustrated and have admittedly broke down over some of the things he's had me eat. Frozen pizza, large portions of chips, juice, salad dressing, bakery-sized muffins. All of these are foods that I cut out of my diet long ago and am extremely fearful of. Not only do they push my anxiety through the roof, but they also just haven't made me feel good physically.

I don't want to make this any harder on my dad than it already is, but I really just want to eat things I enjoy again. Now that I know that I need to eat there are certain things I crave, but because my choice has been taken away, I never feel satisfied after meals. I've tried talking to my dad about incorporating more healthy foods in my diet but he's really worried they won't give me the calories I need. I've suggested things like toast with avocado or peanut butter, sweet potatoes, rice and veggies, etc, but I also don't want to make cooking anymore complicated for him, because I used to make all my meals and he hasn't had to cook for anyone but himself in years.

So, that being said, do any of you have any quick and easy (preferably vegan--I'm trying to stick to this as much as I can) high-calorie snack or meal ideas that are a little less processed/a little more healthy? I have to stick to a meal plan of breakfast, morning snack, lunch w/ desert, afternoon snack, and dinner every day and I'm already getting a little tired of the same stuff--vegan yogurts, muffins, chips, and snack bars.

Also, if any of you have ideas of what I can do at home besides just catch up on TV shows and study/work on homework, I would appreciate those, too. I'll be the first to admit that I don't have a ton of energy (they weren't kidding when they said I'd feel exhausted during this process), but it's only been a couple days and I already feel so bored. I've taken more naps than I can count and am even starting to feel like youtube/netflix/hulu is getting repetitive. I was thinking about possibly buying some adult coloring books or puzzles off of amazon, but I also thought perhaps you guys had some creative ideas, too.

Otherwise, I hope you all are well and successfully getting your #workoutcompletes, whatever that might mean for you.