Today has been a pretty difficult day. It started out normal and I spent the day at home as it’s my spring break. I went grocery shopping with my mom. The struggle came this afternoon with thoughts and my moms concern. I’ve not been following my meal plan and as I have to track my meals, snacks, thoughts, and behaviors for me and my nutritional, he found out yesterday that I’ve been skipping all my snacks and not eating enough. I’m doing this because I’m afraid of weight gain. It’s associated with such a negative thing in my mind and this is reinforced through media and people in general. Like a magazine my mom gets with all these diet tips for women and how to get a summer body or think thin to eat less. Then people like my sister (who has no ED and workouts 6 days a week and is fit) always complaining that she’s fat or she ate too much and that makes me feel bad because I’m suppose to eat more than her and weigh more than her. Also my mom is asking me if I’m eating enough and I brush her off and say yes. I haven’t told her that my meal plan changed or that I’m skipping my snacks. My weight had stayed the same at 100lbs and I’m scared to reach my goal of 120. I feel like I have to be there by the fall when I go to my new school, this date seems so far away but at the same time too close! Also I have a summer internship that’s unpaid as my parents want me to take it slow until I go to my new school and say it’s fine I won’t be earning money. But this worries me as there’s a lot of fees, book costs, and meal plans. Also summer costs like spending money for our Maine trip and for the Shawn Mendes concert in August. I also feel guilty that all I do is go to school and sit around my house. I feel lazy and it’s driving me mad that I can’t exercise or work. I hate when hate that this is where I’m at. Also the over whelming feeling of guilt from waste when I throw something away and the environment in general.
#RecoveryComplete 3/21/19
Today has been a pretty difficult day. It started out normal and I spent the day at home as it’s my spring break. I went grocery shopping with my mom. The struggle came this afternoon with thoughts and my moms concern. I’ve not been following my meal plan and as I have to track my meals, snacks, thoughts, and behaviors for me and my nutritional, he found out yesterday that I’ve been skipping all my snacks and not eating enough. I’m doing this because I’m afraid of weight gain. It’s associated with such a negative thing in my mind and this is reinforced through media and people in general. Like a magazine my mom gets with all these diet tips for women and how to get a summer body or think thin to eat less. Then people like my sister (who has no ED and workouts 6 days a week and is fit) always complaining that she’s fat or she ate too much and that makes me feel bad because I’m suppose to eat more than her and weigh more than her. Also my mom is asking me if I’m eating enough and I brush her off and say yes. I haven’t told her that my meal plan changed or that I’m skipping my snacks. My weight had stayed the same at 100lbs and I’m scared to reach my goal of 120. I feel like I have to be there by the fall when I go to my new school, this date seems so far away but at the same time too close! Also I have a summer internship that’s unpaid as my parents want me to take it slow until I go to my new school and say it’s fine I won’t be earning money. But this worries me as there’s a lot of fees, book costs, and meal plans. Also summer costs like spending money for our Maine trip and for the Shawn Mendes concert in August. I also feel guilty that all I do is go to school and sit around my house. I feel lazy and it’s driving me mad that I can’t exercise or work. I hate when hate that this is where I’m at. Also the over whelming feeling of guilt from waste when I throw something away and the environment in general.