Doing Enough


hey all,

I could use some advice/encouragement (because I'm struggling & don't have anyone in my immediate surroundings to talk to about this). So I am a (former) serial dieter. I have done this a few times where I decide to start dieting, I restrict my calories to not-nearly-enough a day & work out 7 days a week for 3 months, and then I hit a wall or burn out, and I binge and gain whatever I lost back.

After seeing Kelli's Before and After Fitness Story video I realized what I was doing isn't good, its not healthy. At the end of the day I want to be healthy and have a healthy lifestyle. I think I should ad here that I have always had a bad image of myself & that I think right now it is more important for me to be healthy than to be thin or skinny (which is a real accomplishment for me).

This realization about being healthy was 2 months or so ago, & so far so good. I'm trying to eat healthy balanced meals, I have not completely stopped eating junk food but I have cut it down to really just treats, and now I track calories 1 or 2 days a week (just to make sure I'm on track & getting the correct amount of calories/macro's etc). I'm currently not exercising regularly because I am in the middle of a move, but I am trying to remain somewhat active (Ex. going on walks) & once I move I will have enough space to exercise. I am very actively trying to remind myself to be patient with myself & that I am not looking to drop 20kg in 30 days (which is what crash diets promise) -I'm looking to build a sustainable healthy life-style. But I constantly feel like I am not doing enough to actually loose weight....

I want to blame this feeling of inadequacy on the new-year surge of "diet program" ad's on TV that make these rapid weight loss promises. They do tempt me, because who doesn't want all the beauty, fitness, health, & happiness those ad's promise? But in all honesty I do feel at times that I am not doing enough, eating too much, not counting often enough, etc etc. I feel very drawn to the bad lifestyle, which is weird and somewhat humiliating to say.

I also want to add that I am trying to stay away from the scale and focus more on my look. For my mental health I feel its bad to focus to much on the scale number, so I try to step on it only once a month. I do think this might also contribute, but I don't know if stepping on the scale more will actually help me. I don't want my weight to define me, I don't want my days ruined (once again) because the number on the scale didn't go down 'enough', or even went slightly up.

Can anyone relate? Any advice on managing these feelings?