#RecoveryCompelte 3/10/19

Happy Sunday! It was a sad snowy sunday here for me. Stuck inside for most of the day and didn't do much. I struggled again and couldn't eat a morning snack. IDK where it's such a big deal for me to eat between breakfast and lunch. I guess it feels "wrong" or "bad". I also skipped my afternoon snack because I felt I ate a lot at lunch and skipping it made me feel like i had power or control again. But I ended up eating my afternoon snack after dinner anyway. So it was the same amount of food and calories but because it was after dinner it was okay?? I have a weird ED rule with timing and when I can eat which I'm trying to break. I still feel a little guilty when eating food although I know I have to eat more than anyone else and a bigger amount than I did in order to gain weight. Plus I know I have to gain weight to be healthy and get my life back but I'm still scared of gaining weight because I think that's bad. Ugh it sucks that I'm dealing with this again. I turn 20 in 3 days and I thought by now i'd be done with this. we are going out to eat to celebrate my birthday on Saturday at a diner and I'm already worried about what I'll eat and the calories which is silly.