First of all, thank you so much Maria for thinking of me. I'm sorry I never responded to the comments on my post (I'll get to why in a minute) but I'm truly blown away by how caring this community is.
I'm currently in the process of getting a nutritionist to figure out how to start gaining weight in a safe and healthy way. I have felt very faint, weak, dizzy, tired, etc recently and even though the thought of the scale showing a higher number still terrifies me, I know that this is serious and that something needs to change. My family is being very supportive and are doing everything in their power to help me, and my therapist is getting in contact with someone who specializes in eating disorders to hopefully gain some more insight into my situation.
Truth be told, I've felt really ashamed to post in here about my issues. All of you have been so helpful and supportive and I appreciate it so much, but I can't help but feel like there are other people going through much worse and I'm being selfish for reaching out to get help. I know it's a silly and stupid thought, but it's true.
I've also been struggling a lot with how much this is impacting my family. I get so easily irritated and upset nowadays and I feel like it's causing so much tension and stress. On one hand I know that bottling everything inside wouldn't be the smartest idea, but at the same time, if it saves my family from having to deal with all of it, I feel like it's worth it. It seems like the problem is impacting everyone I love emotionally as much as it's damaging me physically, and I feel so guilty about it. I know I need to get better for them, but it's just so hard.
I feel so incredibly guilty if I don't workout. I didn't end up getting to bed until 12:30 this morning and was up at 5:40 to squeeze in a HIIT routine before I got ready for school. I'm just so tired. I don't really even want to be working out right now, but the guilt that results when I don't is worse than the feeling of forcing myself to do it. At this point I don't even know if it's physically healthy for me to be doing these routines, but I don't know what else to do.
I guess, all in all, I'm just feeling stuck. On one hand I just want to drop the ball, start eating more, quit exercising for a while, and put my all into recovering; on the other, I want to exercise more, lose more weight, eat less, and keep going down this destructive path. It's so incredibly frustrating to feel pulled in both directions at once and I don't know how to stop it. I'm sorry I'm being so negative, but I figure if I can use these posts to be honest and get my feelings out, it might help me at least a little bit.
Once again, thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I'll try updating more frequently about my progress, as I think that might help hold me accountable to actually make changes and get better. If any of you have any tips as to how I should go about decreasing exercise (or what videos I should/shouldn't do) or feeling less guilty about being less active/eating more, I'd really appreciate them. I hope you all are having a good start to the week.
Thank you!
First of all, thank you so much Maria for thinking of me. I'm sorry I never responded to the comments on my post (I'll get to why in a minute) but I'm truly blown away by how caring this community is.
I'm currently in the process of getting a nutritionist to figure out how to start gaining weight in a safe and healthy way. I have felt very faint, weak, dizzy, tired, etc recently and even though the thought of the scale showing a higher number still terrifies me, I know that this is serious and that something needs to change. My family is being very supportive and are doing everything in their power to help me, and my therapist is getting in contact with someone who specializes in eating disorders to hopefully gain some more insight into my situation.
Truth be told, I've felt really ashamed to post in here about my issues. All of you have been so helpful and supportive and I appreciate it so much, but I can't help but feel like there are other people going through much worse and I'm being selfish for reaching out to get help. I know it's a silly and stupid thought, but it's true.
I've also been struggling a lot with how much this is impacting my family. I get so easily irritated and upset nowadays and I feel like it's causing so much tension and stress. On one hand I know that bottling everything inside wouldn't be the smartest idea, but at the same time, if it saves my family from having to deal with all of it, I feel like it's worth it. It seems like the problem is impacting everyone I love emotionally as much as it's damaging me physically, and I feel so guilty about it. I know I need to get better for them, but it's just so hard.
I feel so incredibly guilty if I don't workout. I didn't end up getting to bed until 12:30 this morning and was up at 5:40 to squeeze in a HIIT routine before I got ready for school. I'm just so tired. I don't really even want to be working out right now, but the guilt that results when I don't is worse than the feeling of forcing myself to do it. At this point I don't even know if it's physically healthy for me to be doing these routines, but I don't know what else to do.
I guess, all in all, I'm just feeling stuck. On one hand I just want to drop the ball, start eating more, quit exercising for a while, and put my all into recovering; on the other, I want to exercise more, lose more weight, eat less, and keep going down this destructive path. It's so incredibly frustrating to feel pulled in both directions at once and I don't know how to stop it. I'm sorry I'm being so negative, but I figure if I can use these posts to be honest and get my feelings out, it might help me at least a little bit.
Once again, thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I'll try updating more frequently about my progress, as I think that might help hold me accountable to actually make changes and get better. If any of you have any tips as to how I should go about decreasing exercise (or what videos I should/shouldn't do) or feeling less guilty about being less active/eating more, I'd really appreciate them. I hope you all are having a good start to the week.